What to wear. What to eat. Which email to answer first. Whether to go to the big supermarket or the small one. By mid-afternoon, even "tea or coffee?" can feel like too much.
If everyday choices wear you out, you're not being dramatic. This article looks at why decisions can be so draining, and some low-effort ways to make fewer of them.
Why choices can feel so heavy
Even a small decision has steps. You notice the choice, weigh up the options, pick one, and then often wonder if you picked right. Do that dozens of times a day and it adds up.
Whatever the science ends up saying, many autistic and ADHD people describe decisions as tiring. A few things might add to that:
- Uncertainty. Many autistic people prefer knowing what will happen. The National Autistic Society says routines can help manage unpredictability, reduce anxiety and structure energy across the day (National Autistic Society). Each open choice is a small bit of unpredictability.
- Wanting to get it right. If you like to gather all the information first, even small choices can take a long time.
- Executive function. If planning and prioritising already take a lot out of you, every extra choice adds to the load. There's more on this in why starting simple tasks can feel impossible.
A scenario
Say it's a Wednesday evening after a long day at work. You open the fridge and there are six possible meals. None of them is hard to make, but choosing one feels impossible. Twenty minutes later you're eating crisps on the sofa, still hungry and annoyed with yourself.
Now imagine Wednesday is always pasta night. You don't open the fridge to decide. You open it to get the pesto, because the decision was made on Sunday.
Ways to make fewer decisions
The idea is to make some decisions once, so you don't keep remaking them. Pick one or two that appeal.
Everyday decisions you could set a default for
Yours will look different, and you can change them any time.
| Everyday decision | A default you could set |
|---|---|
| What to have for breakfast | The same two breakfasts, alternating |
| What to have for dinner | A weekly menu, e.g. Monday is stir-fry, Friday is pizza |
| What to wear | A set of comfortable "uniform" outfits |
| What to buy at the shop | A saved shopping list you reuse each week |
| When to do the washing | The same day each week |
| Which task to do first | The one with the nearest deadline, or the smallest one |
| Whether to say yes to plans | "I'll let you know tomorrow" as a standard reply |
| How to reply to common messages | Saved template replies |
"I'll let you know tomorrow" is especially handy. It buys time without saying no. If admin is part of the problem, see making phone calls and life admin less draining.
Explaining it to others
If people think your set menu is boring, you could say: "Lots of small choices wear me out. Defaults leave me more energy for things I care about."
If you're supporting someone, offer two options instead of an open question. "Pasta or soup?" is often easier than "What do you fancy?"
Finding decisions hard doesn't make you difficult. Your energy is worth protecting, and every decision made in advance is one less to make later.
References
- Luke, L., Clare, I. C. H., Ring, H., Redley, M., & Watson, P. (2012). Decision-making difficulties experienced by adults with autism spectrum conditions. Autism, 16(6), 612–621. mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk
- Hagger, M. S., Chatzisarantis, N. L. D., et al. (2016). A multilab preregistered replication of the ego-depletion effect. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 11(4), 546–573. doi.org/10.1177/1745691616652873
- National Autistic Society. Preference for order, predictability or routine. autism.org.uk
- NHS Lothian. Self Help Resource Pack for People with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), V2.0. policyonline.nhslothian.scot
