On a good day, your routine runs itself. On a bad day, it can feel like a list of everything you're failing to do. Miss one step and the whole thing can fall apart.
That doesn't mean routines aren't for you. It might mean your routine needs a few different sizes. This article looks at why routines help, why they can break, and how to build ones that bend instead.
Why routines help
For many autistic people, routines aren't about being fussy. They're a way of making the day more predictable, so there's less to work out as you go.
A routine also reduces how many decisions you have to make. If you always have the same breakfast, that's one less thing to plan, start and remember. For people who find planning and starting tasks hard, which includes many ADHD and autistic adults, that matters.
Why routines collapse on bad days
Most routines are designed on a good day, for a good day. They assume you'll have the same energy, time and focus every morning. But you won't.
Executive function skills, like planning and starting tasks, can get harder when you're stressed or in an environment that doesn't suit you (Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust). So on the days you most need the routine, it can be hardest to follow.
Then there's the all-or-nothing trap. Say it's a Tuesday and you slept badly. You skip your shower, so the routine feels "broken", and because it's broken, you skip breakfast too. By 10am the whole morning feels like it's gone wrong.
Build a routine in three sizes
Instead of one routine, try writing three versions:
- Full: what you do on a good day.
- Reduced: a shorter version for an average or tired day.
- Minimum: the few things that keep you going on your worst days. This should be so small it feels almost too easy.
Here's an example of a morning routine. Yours will look different.
| Step | Full | Reduced | Minimum |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wash | Shower and get dressed | Wash face, fresh clothes | Change top or put on deodorant |
| Eat | Cooked breakfast | Toast or cereal | Cereal bar and a drink of water |
| Medication or vitamins | Take as usual | Take as usual | Take as usual |
| Tidy | Make the bed, quick tidy | Open the curtains | Skip |
| Plan the day | Check calendar and to-do list | Check calendar | Check for anything urgent |
Doing the minimum version still counts as doing your routine. That's the whole point. The structure stays, even when the size shrinks.
Explaining it to others
If you live with other people, it might help to share your three versions. Then on a minimum day, you can just say "it's a minimum day" without having to explain. If you're supporting someone, try not to comment on which version they're doing. Any version is the routine working.
Be kind to yourself
Bad days aren't a sign that you've failed. They're part of life, and a routine that allows for them is one you're much more likely to keep.
References
- National Autistic Society. Preference for order, predictability or routine. autism.org.uk
- Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism, 9(2), 139–156. doi.org/10.1177/1362361305051398
- Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust. Autism and executive functioning skills. leicspart.nhs.uk
