There's a call you need to make. It might take five minutes, but it's been on your list for three weeks. Every time you think about it, you find something else to do.

If phone calls and life admin take far more out of you than they seem to take out of other people, you're not alone. Here's why they can be so hard, and some ways to make them lighter.

Why phone calls can be so hard

Put simply, a phone call asks you to listen, understand, plan and reply all at once, with no pause button and no visual cues. You can't see when the other person is about to speak, and you don't know which question is coming next. That's a lot of processing for something that's meant to be "quick".

Life admin adds another layer. Forms, renewals and appointments often involve working out what to do, in what order, by when. If you're AuDHD, finding it hard to organise your time and being forgetful are common ADHD traits in adults (NHS), so tasks can pile up quickly.

A familiar scenario

Say you need to change a GP appointment. You open the phone app, then remember the line is busiest in the morning. You'll call later. Later becomes tomorrow. By the end of the week, you've spent more energy avoiding the call than the call itself would have taken, and you're annoyed with yourself too.

That's not laziness. It's a task with a high hidden cost, and avoiding it is an understandable response.

Ideas that might help

Take what's useful and leave the rest.

A short call script

Keep this open on your screen or on paper while you call. Fill in the gaps before you dial.

Opening: "Hi, my name is [name]. I'm calling about [what it's about]."

Details: "My reference / account / date of birth is [details]."

What I need: "I'd like to [change my appointment / cancel / ask about…]."

If I need time: "Sorry, could you say that again a bit more slowly?" or "Can I just write that down?"

If I get stuck: "Could you email me the details instead? My email is [email]."

Closing: "Thanks. Just to check, what happens next?"

It's okay to tell the person you're reading from notes, or that you'd prefer to finish the conversation by email.

Explaining it to others

Some people don't understand why a phone call could be hard. You don't have to justify it, but a simple line can help: "Phone calls are hard for me to process. I'm much clearer in writing." If you're supporting someone, offering to sit with them while they call, or to make the call together, can make a real difference.

References

  1. Howard, P. L., & Sedgewick, F. (2021). "Anything but the phone!": Communication mode preferences in the autism community. Autism. doi.org/10.1177/13623613211014995
  2. National Autistic Society. What support can I get at work as an autistic person? autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/employment/what-support-can-i-get-at-work
  3. NHS. NHS App. nhs.uk/nhs-app
  4. NHS. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in adults. nhs.uk/conditions/adhd-adults