You know what you want to say. But when you open your mouth, the words won't come, or they come out slowly and in the wrong order. Then people start waiting, and that makes it harder still.

If this happens to you, you're not alone, and you haven't done anything wrong. This article looks at why speech can come and go, and at some other ways to communicate when talking isn't working.

Why speech can come and go

Many autistic people who usually speak find that their speech isn't always reliable. It might fade when you're stressed, overloaded or exhausted, and come back once you've had time to recover.

Some people call this going non-speaking, situational mutism or a verbal shutdown. Whatever you call it, it isn't a choice and it isn't rudeness. It's a sign that your system is at capacity.

What it can look like

Say you've had a long day at work and the train home was packed and loud. Then a neighbour stops you on the stairs to chat. You can hear and understand them perfectly well, but your answers shrink to nods, and then nothing at all.

Other ways to communicate

Using something other than speech is sometimes called AAC, which stands for augmentative and alternative communication. It just means any way of communicating that adds to speech or replaces it. You don't need to be fully non-speaking to use it, and you don't need anyone's permission.

Many people mix speech, writing and gestures, depending on their energy.

Telling people in advance

It's often easier to explain this when you're feeling okay, rather than in the moment. You could say something like:

  • "Sometimes when I'm overloaded, I can't talk. I'm still listening. I'll text or write instead."
  • "If I go quiet, I'm not upset with you. I just need a few minutes."
  • "If I show you this card, it means I need somewhere quieter."

You decide who you tell and how much you share.

If you're supporting someone

If someone you know loses their speech, it can help to:

  • Stay calm and patient. Don't push them to speak, and try not to fill the silence with lots of questions.
  • Accept other ways of communicating. The National Autistic Society encourages others to accept all forms of communication as valid, not just speech, and to allow extra processing time (National Autistic Society).
  • Ask yes or no questions that can be answered with a nod or a thumbs up.
  • Offer a pen, a phone or a quieter space.
  • Don't treat it as rudeness or sulking. Once the person has recovered, carry on as normal.

References

  1. National Autistic Society. Communication: tips and information. autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/communication/tips
  2. Zisk, A. H., & Dalton, E. (2019). Augmentative and alternative communication for speaking autistic adults: Overview and recommendations. Autism in Adulthood, 1(2), 93–100. doi.org/10.1089/aut.2018.0007
  3. North East Ambulance Service NHS Foundation Trust. EmergencySMS service. neas.nhs.uk/your-service/accessibility/emergencysms-service